Post Natal Depression Week Blog Series

As her first pregnancy progresses, Sarah faces the transition into home life from her busy role as a Head Sister at a prominent Brisbane hospital. 

Autumn set upon them, and the early mornings had a nip to them before the sun rose. Sarah kissed Jack goodbye when he left for work, then returned to bed. During the day, she set about tidying, cooking and cleaning, and in the afternoon Vivienne came to visit.

‘Now, you sit down, Sarah,’ she insisted, ‘I’ll make the tea.’ 

‘Put some out on the cooling rack on a plate,’ Sarah suggested 

She sat down at the kitchen table, leaning back in the chair.

Vivienne filled the tin kettle, and unscrewed the lid to the tealeaf jar. 

‘How are you feeling today?’ she enquired, spooning the leaves into the ceramic pot. 

‘Tired,’ Sarah replied. ‘I’ve never felt so tired in my life. I’m not used to it at all.’ 

‘Well, you make sure you look after yourself. Don’t work too hard around here.’ 

‘I know, I know. I’m just not used to being at home all day, that’s all. I’m bored.’ 

Vivienne nodded. ‘I can imagine it must be a big change from the hospital.’ 

The kettle began to whistle, and she poured the water into the pot and took it over to the table. 

‘So how are things at work?’ Sarah enquired. ‘Oh, great,’ Vivienne replied, pouring the tea into the cups. ‘We’ve had quite a few new nurses start recently, so I’ve been training them up. Larry and I have been looking into missionary opportunities as well.’

‘Oh yes?’

‘We found one in Papua New Guinea that we are interested in. They open and run churches and schools over there.’

‘How long will you be gone for?’ 

‘If we decide to take it on, we could be gone for a few years.’ 

Sarah adjusted her hands around her teacup. 

‘Wow, Viv. That sounds like a wonderful opportunity. I’m so happy for you.’ She paused thoughtfully. ‘I do hope I get to do something like that someday soon. I’ve mentioned it to Jack quite a few times, but his response has always been brief and dismissive.’ 

‘Well, I can understand that. He has a baby to look after soon, as well as you.’ She waved her finger at Sarah. ‘You just have that baby first. It’s out of the question until then, anyway.’

After Vivienne had gone, Sarah sat in the living room, thinking over her sister’s news. Amidst all the events of the past year, she had almost forgotten her own dream of becoming a missionary. Now that she was married she would only be allowed to undertake the work with her husband. Yet she still held onto hope that Jack would want to do it with her one day.

The hospital room was plain with a single bed in the middle, where Jack and the nurse helped Sarah lie down.

‘Are you comfortable?’ the nurse asked. 

‘Yes, thank you,’ Sarah replied. ‘Now, Mr. Brooker, the waiting room is down the hall. This is women’s business, not a place for men.’ 

Jack nodded, bending down to kiss her on the cheek. 

‘I love you,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll see you soon.’ 

‘I love you too, Jack,’ Sarah replied. 

The nurse bustled him over to the door. 

‘We’ll call you when the baby is ready.’ 

Jack sat down in one of the chairs, resting his head in his hand. There were two other men, one reading a newspaper, the other lost in a thoughtful trance. Jack glanced at the clock on the wall. He got up from time to time, casually pacing the room, foraging for cups of tea and biscuits.

The doctor lifted up a small, slippery body, its cries piercing the air. Sarah felt the warm mass upon her breast.

‘It’s a little boy, Sarah.’

She looked down at her baby, tears welling in her eyes. She forgot the pain straight away. Now that life had come from her very body, she felt like she could do anything. It was a moment even more special than her wedding. There was nothing else in life that equaled.

Her baby was so fragile and precious, curled up on her chest seeking shelter from the bright, cold and noisy world. His face was pinched up, his eyes squeezed shut, his gummy mouth open wide as he cried crankily.

He was taken away, and once bathed and cleaned up the nurse returned him to Sarah. She held him wrapped up tightly in a blanket. She was proud and relieved that she had given birth to a boy as her eldest child. It would be well accepted in the family and in the church.

She was taken back to the ward, and Jack joined her shortly after. He kissed Sarah on the head and stroked his son’s soft hair. His name was Paul.

Sarah carefully passed him to Jack, who gently rocked Paul in his arms. She sat back and watched, smiling. In the midst of their newfound happiness, she wished that Jack had been able to experience the joy she’d felt the moment Paul had been born. She knew that he was surely hiding his disappointment about missing out on the arrival of his first child. But she was so glad to have him by her side after so many hours apart.

Their families arrived at the hospital and gloated over Paul. When they had gone home and the fuss was over, Sarah was alone with him again. He looked up at her with big blue eyes, absorbing the new world around him.

She stroked his cheek, the skin so soft and smooth. She had cradled many babies before, but this was so radically different to anything she’d ever experienced. This baby was hers.